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Hey, Rain, You're Still My Boo. I Just Need Some Space, OK?

Niño made us fall hard. Then it got too heavy.

 

Whoa, easy, tiger. Yeah no, I liked what you were doing there. I'm into it. Just…let me catch my breath.

Of course, boo. It's just, I mean, you've slept over for three out of the past six nights. Don't you think we're seeing a bit much of each other?

Hold on. Yes, I care about you. What we've done together has been incredible. Weekends in Tahoe with your best bro Snow, Saturday cookie-baking marathons, staying in to catch up on Downton

I mean it, we have something special. That's why I think we should try to keep some of the mystery alive, you know?

No no no, don't say that. I'm glad you decided to spend more time in San Francisco. It means a lot to me—and it fills my...reservoir. It's just, I didn't imagine we'd be spending this much time together. I think we need to take a break. It's not you, it's me, Rain.

Oh, Rain. That's not what I meant.

It's just, you kind of freak out whenever I ride my bike with Partly Cloudy or even Chilly Fog. I don't know when you're just going to pop up and get all clingy.

Oh, stop. Just stop. You have nothing to worry about. Those guys and I are just cycling pals. I'm used to seeing them, like, every day. We've kind of built up a routine, you know?

Yes, I can tell you've been working on listening. Two weeks ago, when it looked like you were gonna flood the whole damn highway system, you just slowed down the 101 a little. But that was Marin, Rain, Marin. It's just different there. I care about the overall health of our transportation system, you know? I don't like to see everybody else go batshit when you're around.

Please, don't cry. It just makes it worse. I just want to take a little breather, Sprinkle Dinkle. It doesn't mean we don't care about each other. In fact, it's a sign of something deeper. When a person and a weather system can live independent lives both together and apart, that's a sign of growth. That's how you end a drought, baby. You know that, right?

Of course I want you in my life forever. I would never un-say that. I just think we should be intentional about what we're getting into. Things are just a total deluge right now, you know? It feels like you're following me everywhere—to work, to the store, to the gym. And then, even after we say goodnight, sometimes you try to come in through the window. It really freaks out my cat.

Let's try this: What if we spent just a few nights a week apart? Don't you miss seeing your buds up in Seattle? No, no, turn the light back on. Rain! Listen. Listen! Remember that episode of Sex and the City where Carrie gets into a relationship with a recovering alcoholic and it's too soon and he transfers his addiction onto her? 

No, arggghh, Rain! I'm not saying you have a problem! You always do this! Why are you being so dramatic? 

I guess I have to say it. Here's the thing: Whenever the atmospheric pressure rises, you never stick around. And then you're back and all of a sudden it's this outpouring of insatiable need. My therapist keeps trying to warn me about falling for dangerous weather patterns like you.

I mean, just the other day you ripped Pacifica a new sinkhole. Yes, you did! Okay, you know what, I think I would feel a lot more comfortable if we established a safe word.

If we're really going to be honest with each other, I'm starting to fear for my safety, Rain. When you pound away like that, especially after a dry spell—I can barely walk down the street afterward. 

No, no, you do satisfy me. You do quench my thrist. It's not like that. It's just that people really don't like it when their houses end up in a different place. 

Oh, baby, I know you'd never hurt anyone on purpose. Come here. I know you're sensitive about that. I'm sorry I brought it up. I'm sorry. Don't go away.

Yes, we're still on for this afternoon, Friday, Saturday, and mid-next week. And yeah, I admit, you were great last night. Yeah, it got a little wild, didn't it? I don't care what they say—it felt like more than 2 inches to me.

 

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