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Seven Ways to Antagonize the Alt-Right Rally at Crissy Field (Without Punching Anybody)

Taking the high road is way more fun.


After last weekend’s tragedy in Charlottesville, the news that Patriot Prayer, a Portland-based group with ties to the alt-right, plans to rally at Crissy Field next weekend felt like a punch to the gut. San Francisco’s senators, state legislators, and Mayor Ed Lee are freaking out, raising questions about whether the rally can remain peaceful, and calling on the National Park Service to reconsider the group’s permit—which it is now doing. If the rally goes forward, counterprotesting at Crissy Field could be a recipe for an ugly and dangerous confrontation (look no further than this spring’s riots in Berkeley). But watching hate groups gather in front of our faces isn’t easy to accept, either. So here are some tips for pushing back, San Francisco style—with dance parties, clowns, and some well-placed dog poo. 

1. Make Crissy Field great again. Do the environment a favor and pick up trash after the rally to "wipe away the hate." The Trump administration may have withdrawn from the Paris climate accord, but San Franciscans take matters into their own hands. 

2. Fight hate with twerking. Shake your booty, not your fists. Head to Marina Green on Saturday, August 26, for the SF LovedUp Mobile Dance Counter Rally. Stand the white supremacists up while boogying down in what the organizers are billing as “a nearby, better, inclusive, visible alternative.” Dress colorfully and bring your battery-powered boomboxes, aka smartphones. 

3. Join a clown posse. Calling all antifascist clowns: Your next gig is on Crissy Field Beach. Bring: your best face paint, balloon animals, and polka dot shoes. Your job: Show any neo-Nazis, white supremacists, or alt-right trolls who show up what they really look like. 

4. Let your dog poop on Crissy Field. Feeling petty and passive aggressive? Bring your pooch to Crissy Field on August 25 and don’t pick up. As firm believers in scooping after pooping, we don’t normally condone the willy-nilly scattering of dog waste. But if this is what it takes channel your rage, have at it. The poo protesters are avoiding the protest itself—and gathering on Sunday to clean up the trampled poop. 

5. Don’t show up, but do give money. Consider donating to or volunteering for one of these 64 organizations fighting for everything from immigrant rights and LGBT rights to justice for the environment and disenfranchised voters. 

6. Occupy the sea. Many wars were won by stranding enemy armies on land and attacking from the water. Of course, this will just be a peaceful gathering of sailors, surfers, and kayakers watching from their vessels. 

7. Sponsor a neo-Nazi. As San Francisco’s own Cleve Jones suggests, make like this German town and donate money for every rallygoer who shows up. The Jewish Bar Association of San Francisco is sponsoring a GoFundMe campaign asking folks to make a donation for each of the estimated 300 Patriot Prayer rallygoers (a dime per attendee works out to $30; a quarter, $75). Proceeds will benefit the Southern Poverty Law Center. The greater the hate, the greater the haul. 

This story has been updated with information about the Jewish Bar Association of San Francisco's GoFundMe campaign. 


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